she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry about my life...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
