oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
