Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
