Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
