My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize