i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Randomize
