I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
only you would photoshop your dick
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize