She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
