I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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