You made me cry and you don't even care
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
