I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
