I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Someone shattered a urinal.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
