so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
