I will die if light touches me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize