I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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