I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
