i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
