I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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