I faked an abortion last night.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
