He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize