if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
