I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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