I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
