saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize