Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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