sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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