i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
