so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
