Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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