We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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