I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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