At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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