she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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