Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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