I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
