remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
