Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Randomize
