you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
