And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
