She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
