And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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