i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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