four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
