Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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