My cat gives me a boner
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
