the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
