I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
