I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
