I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
