I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
false alarm. still invincible.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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