I am in a vortex of obligation.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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