The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
