You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
