Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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