You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
His hands were made for my vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
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I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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