Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
