i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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