There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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