So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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