just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
