i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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