She announced her abortion via fbk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
