So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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