i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
