She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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