Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
pop tarts are not kleenex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
