woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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