So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize