Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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