i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
