some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
