and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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