My pussy is not your playground.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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