I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
