if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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