That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
