If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
